FAQ

 

ACME Advice Company – Frequently Asked Questions

Division of Behavioral Corrections
Guidance You Didn’t Request™

What exactly does ACME Advice Company do?

ACME specializes in the distribution of official-looking bureaucratic postcards delivered anonymously on your behalf.
You choose a tone (Supportive, Witty, Petty, or Existential), describe the situation, and ACME generates the formal language, formats the card, and mails it directly to the recipient through sanctioned postal channels.

Is ACME anonymous?

Yes.
Your identity is concealed under the protection of our Anonymity Preservation Protocol (APP-12).
The recipient receives the card, not your name.
Only you and ACME know who initiated the advisory action, and ACME is not a snitch.

What does the postcard look like?

Each card is printed in ACME’s standardized Form-302 style, featuring:

  • Government-adjacent formatting

  • Monospace typeface for maximum seriousness

  • Red ACME stamp angled at approximately –2 degrees

  • A formally composed message written by the ACME Bureau

It looks real enough to cause a pause but absurd enough to be funny.

Can I preview the message before it is mailed?

Yes.
Each product page includes a Preview button.
Click it to generate the exact message ACME will print.
If it doesn’t meet your satisfaction, regenerate it until bureaucracy is properly restored.

Can the recipient respond?

Yes.
Every outgoing ACME postcard includes a QR code leading to a secure Return Notice Portal.
Recipients can file an official rebuttal that is printed and mailed back to you—also anonymously—thus initiating a Postcard Feedback Loop, a system ACME is legally obligated to neither confirm nor deny.

Is this legal?

Yes.
ACME postcards contain no threats, personal data, or prohibited content.
They are humorous, sterile bureaucratic notices printed on standard postcards.

In short: It’s mail, not malice.

Can I send it to my boss, coworker, spouse, neighbor, or that guy who keeps parking diagonally?

ACME cannot advise on target selection.
However, historically, these have been the most commonly addressed parties.

Do you offer international mailing?

Not yet.
ACME’s international compliance office is undergoing a multi-year audit reviewing stamp placement regulations in 27 countries.

How long does delivery take?

Production typically occurs within 1–2 business days, followed by standard USPS delivery within 3–6 business days depending on the recipient’s location.
Government-looking things travel at government-looking speed.

Will ACME inform the recipient who sent it?

Absolutely not.
Your identity is concealed behind thick layers of procedural fog.
ACME may know you—but ACME will never say it knows you.

Can I track whether the recipient viewed the QR code?

Not currently.
The Bureau is reviewing whether such visibility would violate our Delightful Uncertainty Doctrine (DUD-88).

What tones can I choose?

  • Supportive: Encouraging, formal, and extremely polite.

  • Witty: Dry humor with a procedural twist.

  • Petty: Respectful unprofessionalism within acceptable limits.

  • Existential: Cosmic dread presented in government formatting.

Can I send more than one?

Yes.
Many customers prefer a sequence of escalating paperwork, particularly when behavior remains noncompliant.

What if I don’t know what to write?

Simply describe the situation in normal human language.
ACME’s automated bureaucracy engine will convert your frustration into properly formatted administrative language.

Where can I start?

Issue your first notice here:
Official Advisory Notice

Or rebut an existing one here:
Return Notice