How It Works

How It Works

Division of Behavioral Corrections | ACME Advice Company
Guidance You Didn’t Request™

Welcome to the procedural overview for ACME’s Official Advisory Notice System.
This documentation has been approved by no fewer than three imaginary departments and is now considered fit for civilian use.

Below is a clear, overly formal explanation of how ACME transforms your grievances, concerns, and petty frustrations into real, mailed, anonymous bureaucratic postcards.

Please follow each step in order to avoid disciplinary yawns.

1. You Describe the Situation

Provide a brief explanation of the conduct in question. Examples include:

  • “My coworker keeps reheating fish in the shared microwave.”

  • “My spouse has permanently borrowed my charger.”

  • “The neighbor’s dog greets me with excessive enthusiasm.”

  • “Someone needs to be told something, but not by me.”

This description fuels the ACME Bureau’s Class-III Advisory Narrative Engine.

2. You Choose the Tone

ACME offers four fully authorized communication modes:

  • Supportive – For gentle corrections.

  • Witty – For situations requiring charm wrapped in compliance.

  • Petty – For precision-targeted interpersonal turbulence.

  • Existential – For when the recipient must contemplate their earthly role.

The tone determines the phrasing, temperature, and implied eyebrow raise.

3. ACME Generates the Official Advisory Notice

Once you press Preview, the ACME Bureau assembles:

  • The correct legal-sounding header

  • A red ACME ADVICE COMPANY stamp

  • A message written in perfect procedural deadpan

  • Division of Behavioral Corrections formatting

  • A statement of unrequested guidance

You may regenerate the notice until the tone of the universe is correct.

4. You Approve & Send the Postcard

Select Approve & Add to Cart, proceed to checkout, and ACME handles:

  • Printing

  • Address verification

  • Postal dispatch

  • Keeping your identity completely out of the recipient’s hands

Your message becomes a real postcard, mailed directly to the target of your bureaucratic concern.

5. The Recipient Reads It… and Panics Slightly

Every Advisory Notice arrives with:

  • Serious formatting

  • A QR code

  • No indication that you were involved

This triggers the intended result:
momentary confusion and a deep, reflective “What did I do?”

6. The Secret Feedback Loop

If the recipient scans the QR code, they may issue a Return Notice — an official, equally bureaucratic rebuttal sent back to you… but still anonymously.

This optional escalation is encouraged by the Bureau for morale and documentation purposes.

7. ACME Logs the Event

All mailed correspondence is archived inside the ACME Guidance Ledger (a fictional filing cabinet with very real paper in it), ensuring compliance with the Advisory Notice Circular 14-B.

This step accomplishes nothing but feels important.

Why It’s Anonymous

ACME believes interpersonal conflict should be handled through:

  • Stationery

  • Mystery

  • Official-sounding paperwork

  • Zero accountability for the sender

Your identity is fully protected by bureaucratic over-engineering.

What You Can Use It For

ACME Notices are ideal for:

  • Household disputes

  • Office etiquette violations

  • Petty revenge

  • Relationship diplomacy

  • Leaving your mark on the world without speaking to anyone in it

If you need to say something but prefer to say nothing out loud… ACME is the solution.

Ready to Issue a Notice?

Proceed to the official ACME Bureau intake portal:

👉 Start an Advisory Notice