Official Advisory Notice (return) (comedy, satire, humor - not for official use)

🧾 Return Notice – Division of Behavioral Corrections

Every action demands equal and opposite paperwork.

The ACME Return Notice exists for those moments when silence simply will not do. If you have received an Advisory Notice, Performance Review, or any other form of unsolicited guidance from the ACME Advice Company, this is your sanctioned method of bureaucratic retaliation.

Each Return Notice is professionally printed and mailed as an authentic-looking government memo, complete with a distressed red ACME stamp, unnecessary form language, and the official tone of an institution that does not exist.

You supply the tone and response message. We handle the rest through our Bureaucratic Relay System™, ensuring total mutual anonymity between sender and recipient. Neither party will ever know who filed first, who escalated second, or who is winning. The paper war continues in blissful silence.

⚙️ Appropriate Uses

• Return the favor to whoever dared issue you an Advisory Notice.

• File a counter-response to an unprovoked act of guidance.

• Send a procedural reprimand to a friend, coworker, or family member.

• Maintain a healthy cycle of anonymous, meaningless correspondence.

Upon submission, your Return Notice will be processed, reviewed, ignored, redacted, and ultimately mailed with all the indifference of a true bureaucratic institution.

🕵️ Privacy and Anonymity

Every Return Notice is transmitted through the ACME Bureaucratic Relay System™, which automatically redacts sender and recipient details at every step. All messages are routed through internal paperwork channels and arrive without personal identifiers — carrying only the official ACME header, form number, and verification stamp.

Your message speaks for itself. Your name never will.

📄 Product Specifications

Issued by: ACME Advice Company – Division of Behavioral Corrections
Form Reference: 404-B – Return Notice

⚖️ Legal and Emotional Disclaimer

All advisories are final. The ACME Advice Company accepts no responsibility for emotional responses, philosophical awakenings, or retaliatory paperwork.

Delivery time may vary depending on your compliance, behavior, and the alignment of the postal bureaucracy.

Guidance You Did Not Request — Returned with Interest.